New Surgery Date!

I was at my internists office this morning when my surgeons office called me asking if I'd like to move the date up for my band removal/VSG surgery to 6/17!  Ok, sure, why not?  Yesterday I had to go to the surgeons office to pick up some forms and out of the blue, the staff tells me "Dr. D wants to drain your band today".  What?  I was at a loss for words as I really wasn't thinking along those lines but when I thought about it, especially with my history, of course he'd want it drained ahead so there would be no swelling. Made sense.  I have to admit, when he stuck the needle in, I wasn't sad that it would be the last time I'd have to have a needle stuck into my port!

I met with the Nutritionist also while I was there and basically, the whole way of eating post-surgery is almost identical to what we had to do with the band except I have to do it for a longer period.  At first I was told that I'd have to do a liquid diet the week before the surgery but my Dr told me no, I did not have to do this as my liver was fine, thank you very much!  I have to ask  my Dr. if I'll make it into the record books by hopefully, getting to goal during the post-surgery eating phase.  It is very possible as I am only 10 lbs away from goal!  Seriously though, I just pray that this surgery allows me to do what I was hoping my band would do....not only lose this weight but keep it off for life!  The VSG is no different than the band in that it is only a tool and I will have to work on my head the rest of my life or until they come out with a surgery to fix that too!

I am so happy my daughter Mallory is blogging now.  Her blog is I spin for cookies and being newly married, I think blogging will give her a way to control her weight so she doesn't end up like her mama.  Both of my girls are thin but knowing where they come from will help them stay on top of it.  I have met the greatest bunch of women and men through this blog and I pray that she too will be able to make some lasting friendships with women who have the same struggles as she does.

New Blogger Needs Support!

Hi everyone!  My daughter Mallory has started a blog called I spin for cookies and can use our support!  Please stop over and say hello!

I am going to visit a nutritionist today as part of my pre-surgical requirements.  I am assuming that the whole eating process with VSG is the same or perty darn close to band eating.  Everything I've read is the same.  I will report back later on it.  Now that I have made up my mind to do this, I just want 6/24 to be here and than I just want the next 4 weeks to fly by so I can get past the healing process.  I.Am.Not.Looking.Forward.To.That.

Ok, where do I start?

I guess I will start with the easy stuff and work my way up from there.

Steve and I spent the last 5 days visiting with our children, sister and family as last Wednesday marked the 1 year anniversary of the death of my dad and brother-in-law.  We had a memorial service for them but other than that, it was just another "first" that we got through.  Nothing more to report other than we are all 'ok' and life really does go on.

The day before we left for NY I had an appt. with my Dr. for a fill.  It was quite surreal in retrospect actually.  He comes in the room, sits down and almost immediately tells me that his opinion is that my band has failed me and that he attributes my willpower and determination for my weight loss this past year and not the band!   I think at this point, the blood drained out of my face and I started to cry!

Let me interject that my Dr. has told me in the past that he doesn't think I will ever get to a point with restriction where I will just be on auto-pilot.  Basically for the past year the cycle has been,  get a fill, I am fine and than my body swells, the band becomes too tight, I get unfilled, I am too loose, I go back for a fill and the process repeats itself.  I know this is not the way I imagined life with my band.  He went on to tell me that he will continue to take care of me and do the cycle but he just doesn't think its fair to me to have to go see him every month like I do for fills/unfills.  He is right of course.

He has brought up  Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) many times in the past but the thought of surgery, again, has always deterred me from really seriously considering it.  However, this time, when he brought it up, it was my husband who really convinced me that I should consider this as an alternative.  My doctor believes that my band will have to come out eventually and if I wait until a crisis, such as I had in January, I may end up needing emergency surgery to have it removed or at the very least, all the fluid removed.  With all the swelling that was involved, I would have to wait to have another surgery for the VSG and who knows how much weight I might gain in the mean time if that happened. This is my biggest fear (isn't it everyones?) band is removed and all the weight comes back.  I refuse for that to happen.

So, after much research and soul-searching, I have an appt. to have VSG surgery on 6/24.  I am scared because it is a much more invasive surgery than the band was but I think in the long-run, I will be able to enjoy my life at a healthy BMI and not have to be consumed with counting calories, fills/unfills for the rest of my life.  I so wanted to get to goal and be able to maintain my fill level like so many others but it isn't happening.  Once I get past the surgery and healing phase of VSG, I think I will be able to do just that.

Also, another perk for me will be that I will be able to sleep on my left side again.  Something that since getting the band has eluded me due to my port being on that side.  I honestly don't know if it's just me, but sleeping in that position always causes pain/soreness, especially, the thinner I get.  It will be a welcomed change, that is for sure.

Anyway, because of this new development, I wanted to privatize my blog because there are some people in my private life whom I would just assume didn't know about the revision to VSG.  I have told some friends about the band but would prefer to just tell those friends and family that need to know and not have to explain myself to others who don't really understand why I had WLS in the first place.

So, please humor me when I am talking about VSG but always know that I am a life-long member of BOOB's!  Nothing will ever change that!

CrossFit

I made the decision today to put my personal training on hold when my current 12-pack of sessions expire next week. I have been thinking that I don't think I am getting everything out of my sessions that I think I should.

So, I decided that I would look into CrossFit. We have one here in Ormond. I have been listening to Camille talk about her experience with it, great, and now Carmen is also going. I was telling my daughter what I was thinking and my daughter, who is very much into physical fitness and supports me in everything I do said "are you crazy?". Lol. Thanks Mallory, that made me decide that yes, maybe I am so I may as well be the fittest crazy mama I can be.

Steve and I met with Tish, the owner, who is my age and began doing CrossFit 6 years ago. She told me she eats between 2500 - 3000 calories every day! She looks like she doesn't have 1 oz of extra fat on her and she looks great! I have an appt. For a consult with her in two weeks. She told me my ankle concerns her but we can work with it and around it if need be.

So, wish me luck! It really sounds like a great program, costs less than what I am paying my trainer and will get me to my weight/fitness goal. I am also going in to get what I hope is a big girl fill next week. I hope my doc is in an agreeable mood! fingers crossed!

Gotta get these out of my house!

Nuff said on that!

Happy Mothers Day!

Lets face it...whether we are mothers or not, we all mother someone in our lives, right?  My little furbaby started my day off with a big wet kiss - what more can any mother want?

I received my first "Mother-in-law" mothers day card and I thought that was so sweet.  I did tell him though, in the future, he should save his money and make my daughter just put his name with hers!  "Good idea" my new son-in-law said!

I know I've talked a lot about my Dad on my blog but today is about my mama.  Her name is Bunny (it's really Evelyn and maybe someday I'll tell that story!) and she is the best mama a girl can have.  She is always there for us...she's been on double duty this past year!  She is the most selfless person, always putting others first.  This is not always a good thing, but its my mom.  She is loved by all....even her garbage men who actually bring the cans up her driveway after they empty them on trash day.  Unbelievable!  I think it has something to do with her giving them her famous 'Bunny's Sausage Bread'!  It is definitely from my mom that I get my love of cooking!  She is truly the 'Wind beneath my wings' and I love her more than I could ever say!

Speaking about cooking, I am frosting some Tirimisu Cupcakes and then heading into work for a few hours.  No rest for the weary over here!  We are than going to our friends house for dinner where I am planning on eating one of the aforementioned Tirimisu Cupcakes!  Don't worry, I will plan for them in my calorie bank accordingly.  I have not plugged in the recipe to my fitness pal yet and I am thinking the result will not be pretty!  Oh well,  its not something I do everyday so I will deal with it! (I just ran the numbers and it came out to 238 calories per serving....not as bad as I thought!)

I know we are having some kind of roast chicken for dinner tonight so I will just plan my breakfast and lunch accordingly.  I am still sticking to a 1200 calorie a day and I will not be going to the gym today.  I didn't go yesterday either but I went for a 5 mile walk on the beach with two of my girlfriends.   I will be back at the gym tomorrow at 6 a.m. for my training session.

I am actually at work now and forgot to take a picture of my cupcakes!  They actually look fantastic so I will take a pic later and post it when I can!

Have a great Mother's Day everyone!

Its been a year already, can you believe it?

I just want to blink and be on the other side of the upcoming week.  Last Mothers Day, I sat right where I am sitting now and I wrote a post about the "boys road trip" with pictures of my dad and husband.  They were leaving on Mothers Day and riding their motorcycles up to Myrtle Beach to meet my brother-in-law for a few days of Bike Week.  Two days later, on May 11, my father and brother-in-law were killed when they were sitting at a red light and were hit by a grown man who was texting.  My family and I tell this story to everyone who will listen in the hope that it saves someones life.  When you are texting while behind the wheel of a car, NO ONE IS DRIVING THE CAR!

This year has gone by so fast for my family.  My sister continues to get up every morning and be an active participant in the human race but she has aged so much.  My baby sister, who used to be so happy-go-lucky is just a shell of her old self.  Her children, God bless them, are amazing young people and are doing the best they can do under the circumstances.

My sister and her daughter are coming to FL at the end of June and are going to Disney.  This is a huge step in their healing process because Disney was my Brother-in-law Jimmy's favorite place.  He even had a tattoo of Mickey on his arm!  They had a weeks vacation planned for last August to celebrate my nephew and Brother in laws birthdays but none of them felt they could go.  There is not one place they can not go in Disney and not feel his presence.  Believe me, I know.  He would always say, "When I die, I want to come back as a bird and live in the Magic Kingdom".

The hole in my heart is nothing compared to my sisters, I could not imagine the pain she feels, losing her husband of 22 years.  I only know what it feels like to have a parent, a healthy active parent, ripped from my life in the blink of an eye.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Dad.  He was my hero.  I hear his voice in my head all the time and pray that this doesn't go away.  I still start to reach for the phone to call him and remember, he's not there anymore and it hurts as much today as it did a year ago, believe me.

The other tragedy in this story is my husband.  He, too, will never be the same.  He is truly suffering from 'survivor guilt'.  He will be fine for months and than out of the blue, he just loses it.  We were in the DMV recently and he started to cry, my big, tough cop, just started to cry.....said he let me and my sister down by not taking care of them.  I tell him all the time, he did take care of them.  Just not in the way that he thinks he should have.  I cannot imagine what it would have been like if a stranger had called me that day to tell me they were dead or worse, if a stranger had called my sister.  That would have been devastating.  Steve staying in SC until the arrangements were made to bring our guys home.  Yea, he took care of them, wouldn't you agree?

Anyway, we are going to NY to be with my sister next week for this horrible anniversary and we will be having a Mass/Memorial Service said in their names.   Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers on May 11th and remember, nothing is more important when you are driving as keeping your eyes on the road at all times.

I hope everyone has a very Happy Mothers Day and remember 'if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!