Its been a year already, can you believe it?

I just want to blink and be on the other side of the upcoming week.  Last Mothers Day, I sat right where I am sitting now and I wrote a post about the "boys road trip" with pictures of my dad and husband.  They were leaving on Mothers Day and riding their motorcycles up to Myrtle Beach to meet my brother-in-law for a few days of Bike Week.  Two days later, on May 11, my father and brother-in-law were killed when they were sitting at a red light and were hit by a grown man who was texting.  My family and I tell this story to everyone who will listen in the hope that it saves someones life.  When you are texting while behind the wheel of a car, NO ONE IS DRIVING THE CAR!

This year has gone by so fast for my family.  My sister continues to get up every morning and be an active participant in the human race but she has aged so much.  My baby sister, who used to be so happy-go-lucky is just a shell of her old self.  Her children, God bless them, are amazing young people and are doing the best they can do under the circumstances.

My sister and her daughter are coming to FL at the end of June and are going to Disney.  This is a huge step in their healing process because Disney was my Brother-in-law Jimmy's favorite place.  He even had a tattoo of Mickey on his arm!  They had a weeks vacation planned for last August to celebrate my nephew and Brother in laws birthdays but none of them felt they could go.  There is not one place they can not go in Disney and not feel his presence.  Believe me, I know.  He would always say, "When I die, I want to come back as a bird and live in the Magic Kingdom".

The hole in my heart is nothing compared to my sisters, I could not imagine the pain she feels, losing her husband of 22 years.  I only know what it feels like to have a parent, a healthy active parent, ripped from my life in the blink of an eye.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Dad.  He was my hero.  I hear his voice in my head all the time and pray that this doesn't go away.  I still start to reach for the phone to call him and remember, he's not there anymore and it hurts as much today as it did a year ago, believe me.

The other tragedy in this story is my husband.  He, too, will never be the same.  He is truly suffering from 'survivor guilt'.  He will be fine for months and than out of the blue, he just loses it.  We were in the DMV recently and he started to cry, my big, tough cop, just started to cry.....said he let me and my sister down by not taking care of them.  I tell him all the time, he did take care of them.  Just not in the way that he thinks he should have.  I cannot imagine what it would have been like if a stranger had called me that day to tell me they were dead or worse, if a stranger had called my sister.  That would have been devastating.  Steve staying in SC until the arrangements were made to bring our guys home.  Yea, he took care of them, wouldn't you agree?

Anyway, we are going to NY to be with my sister next week for this horrible anniversary and we will be having a Mass/Memorial Service said in their names.   Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers on May 11th and remember, nothing is more important when you are driving as keeping your eyes on the road at all times.

I hope everyone has a very Happy Mothers Day and remember 'if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!