I guess I will start with the easy stuff and work my way up from there.
Steve and I spent the last 5 days visiting with our children, sister and family as last Wednesday marked the 1 year anniversary of the death of my dad and brother-in-law. We had a memorial service for them but other than that, it was just another "first" that we got through. Nothing more to report other than we are all 'ok' and life really does go on.
The day before we left for NY I had an appt. with my Dr. for a fill. It was quite surreal in retrospect actually. He comes in the room, sits down and almost immediately tells me that his opinion is that my band has failed me and that he attributes my willpower and determination for my weight loss this past year and not the band! I think at this point, the blood drained out of my face and I started to cry!
Let me interject that my Dr. has told me in the past that he doesn't think I will ever get to a point with restriction where I will just be on auto-pilot. Basically for the past year the cycle has been, get a fill, I am fine and than my body swells, the band becomes too tight, I get unfilled, I am too loose, I go back for a fill and the process repeats itself. I know this is not the way I imagined life with my band. He went on to tell me that he will continue to take care of me and do the cycle but he just doesn't think its fair to me to have to go see him every month like I do for fills/unfills. He is right of course.
He has brought up Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) many times in the past but the thought of surgery, again, has always deterred me from really seriously considering it. However, this time, when he brought it up, it was my husband who really convinced me that I should consider this as an alternative. My doctor believes that my band will have to come out eventually and if I wait until a crisis, such as I had in January, I may end up needing emergency surgery to have it removed or at the very least, all the fluid removed. With all the swelling that was involved, I would have to wait to have another surgery for the VSG and who knows how much weight I might gain in the mean time if that happened. This is my biggest fear (isn't it everyones?) band is removed and all the weight comes back. I refuse for that to happen.
So, after much research and soul-searching, I have an appt. to have VSG surgery on 6/24. I am scared because it is a much more invasive surgery than the band was but I think in the long-run, I will be able to enjoy my life at a healthy BMI and not have to be consumed with counting calories, fills/unfills for the rest of my life. I so wanted to get to goal and be able to maintain my fill level like so many others but it isn't happening. Once I get past the surgery and healing phase of VSG, I think I will be able to do just that.
Also, another perk for me will be that I will be able to sleep on my left side again. Something that since getting the band has eluded me due to my port being on that side. I honestly don't know if it's just me, but sleeping in that position always causes pain/soreness, especially, the thinner I get. It will be a welcomed change, that is for sure.
Anyway, because of this new development, I wanted to privatize my blog because there are some people in my private life whom I would just assume didn't know about the revision to VSG. I have told some friends about the band but would prefer to just tell those friends and family that need to know and not have to explain myself to others who don't really understand why I had WLS in the first place.
So, please humor me when I am talking about VSG but always know that I am a life-long member of BOOB's! Nothing will ever change that!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
CrossFit
I made the decision today to put my personal training on hold when my current 12-pack of sessions expire next week. I have been thinking that I don't think I am getting everything out of my sessions that I think I should.
So, I decided that I would look into CrossFit. We have one here in Ormond. I have been listening to Camille talk about her experience with it, great, and now Carmen is also going. I was telling my daughter what I was thinking and my daughter, who is very much into physical fitness and supports me in everything I do said "are you crazy?". Lol. Thanks Mallory, that made me decide that yes, maybe I am so I may as well be the fittest crazy mama I can be.
Steve and I met with Tish, the owner, who is my age and began doing CrossFit 6 years ago. She told me she eats between 2500 - 3000 calories every day! She looks like she doesn't have 1 oz of extra fat on her and she looks great! I have an appt. For a consult with her in two weeks. She told me my ankle concerns her but we can work with it and around it if need be.
So, wish me luck! It really sounds like a great program, costs less than what I am paying my trainer and will get me to my weight/fitness goal. I am also going in to get what I hope is a big girl fill next week. I hope my doc is in an agreeable mood! fingers crossed!
So, I decided that I would look into CrossFit. We have one here in Ormond. I have been listening to Camille talk about her experience with it, great, and now Carmen is also going. I was telling my daughter what I was thinking and my daughter, who is very much into physical fitness and supports me in everything I do said "are you crazy?". Lol. Thanks Mallory, that made me decide that yes, maybe I am so I may as well be the fittest crazy mama I can be.
Steve and I met with Tish, the owner, who is my age and began doing CrossFit 6 years ago. She told me she eats between 2500 - 3000 calories every day! She looks like she doesn't have 1 oz of extra fat on her and she looks great! I have an appt. For a consult with her in two weeks. She told me my ankle concerns her but we can work with it and around it if need be.
So, wish me luck! It really sounds like a great program, costs less than what I am paying my trainer and will get me to my weight/fitness goal. I am also going in to get what I hope is a big girl fill next week. I hope my doc is in an agreeable mood! fingers crossed!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mothers Day!
Lets face it...whether we are mothers or not, we all mother someone in our lives, right? My little furbaby started my day off with a big wet kiss - what more can any mother want?
I received my first "Mother-in-law" mothers day card and I thought that was so sweet. I did tell him though, in the future, he should save his money and make my daughter just put his name with hers! "Good idea" my new son-in-law said!
I know I've talked a lot about my Dad on my blog but today is about my mama. Her name is Bunny (it's really Evelyn and maybe someday I'll tell that story!) and she is the best mama a girl can have. She is always there for us...she's been on double duty this past year! She is the most selfless person, always putting others first. This is not always a good thing, but its my mom. She is loved by all....even her garbage men who actually bring the cans up her driveway after they empty them on trash day. Unbelievable! I think it has something to do with her giving them her famous 'Bunny's Sausage Bread'! It is definitely from my mom that I get my love of cooking! She is truly the 'Wind beneath my wings' and I love her more than I could ever say!
Speaking about cooking, I am frosting some Tirimisu Cupcakes and then heading into work for a few hours. No rest for the weary over here! We are than going to our friends house for dinner where I am planning on eating one of the aforementioned Tirimisu Cupcakes! Don't worry, I will plan for them in my calorie bank accordingly. I have not plugged in the recipe to my fitness pal yet and I am thinking the result will not be pretty! Oh well, its not something I do everyday so I will deal with it! (I just ran the numbers and it came out to 238 calories per serving....not as bad as I thought!)
I know we are having some kind of roast chicken for dinner tonight so I will just plan my breakfast and lunch accordingly. I am still sticking to a 1200 calorie a day and I will not be going to the gym today. I didn't go yesterday either but I went for a 5 mile walk on the beach with two of my girlfriends. I will be back at the gym tomorrow at 6 a.m. for my training session.
I am actually at work now and forgot to take a picture of my cupcakes! They actually look fantastic so I will take a pic later and post it when I can!
Have a great Mother's Day everyone!
I received my first "Mother-in-law" mothers day card and I thought that was so sweet. I did tell him though, in the future, he should save his money and make my daughter just put his name with hers! "Good idea" my new son-in-law said!
I know I've talked a lot about my Dad on my blog but today is about my mama. Her name is Bunny (it's really Evelyn and maybe someday I'll tell that story!) and she is the best mama a girl can have. She is always there for us...she's been on double duty this past year! She is the most selfless person, always putting others first. This is not always a good thing, but its my mom. She is loved by all....even her garbage men who actually bring the cans up her driveway after they empty them on trash day. Unbelievable! I think it has something to do with her giving them her famous 'Bunny's Sausage Bread'! It is definitely from my mom that I get my love of cooking! She is truly the 'Wind beneath my wings' and I love her more than I could ever say!
Speaking about cooking, I am frosting some Tirimisu Cupcakes and then heading into work for a few hours. No rest for the weary over here! We are than going to our friends house for dinner where I am planning on eating one of the aforementioned Tirimisu Cupcakes! Don't worry, I will plan for them in my calorie bank accordingly. I have not plugged in the recipe to my fitness pal yet and I am thinking the result will not be pretty! Oh well, its not something I do everyday so I will deal with it! (I just ran the numbers and it came out to 238 calories per serving....not as bad as I thought!)
I know we are having some kind of roast chicken for dinner tonight so I will just plan my breakfast and lunch accordingly. I am still sticking to a 1200 calorie a day and I will not be going to the gym today. I didn't go yesterday either but I went for a 5 mile walk on the beach with two of my girlfriends. I will be back at the gym tomorrow at 6 a.m. for my training session.
I am actually at work now and forgot to take a picture of my cupcakes! They actually look fantastic so I will take a pic later and post it when I can!
Have a great Mother's Day everyone!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Its been a year already, can you believe it?
I just want to blink and be on the other side of the upcoming week. Last Mothers Day, I sat right where I am sitting now and I wrote a post about the "boys road trip" with pictures of my dad and husband. They were leaving on Mothers Day and riding their motorcycles up to Myrtle Beach to meet my brother-in-law for a few days of Bike Week. Two days later, on May 11, my father and brother-in-law were killed when they were sitting at a red light and were hit by a grown man who was texting. My family and I tell this story to everyone who will listen in the hope that it saves someones life. When you are texting while behind the wheel of a car, NO ONE IS DRIVING THE CAR!
This year has gone by so fast for my family. My sister continues to get up every morning and be an active participant in the human race but she has aged so much. My baby sister, who used to be so happy-go-lucky is just a shell of her old self. Her children, God bless them, are amazing young people and are doing the best they can do under the circumstances.
My sister and her daughter are coming to FL at the end of June and are going to Disney. This is a huge step in their healing process because Disney was my Brother-in-law Jimmy's favorite place. He even had a tattoo of Mickey on his arm! They had a weeks vacation planned for last August to celebrate my nephew and Brother in laws birthdays but none of them felt they could go. There is not one place they can not go in Disney and not feel his presence. Believe me, I know. He would always say, "When I die, I want to come back as a bird and live in the Magic Kingdom".
The hole in my heart is nothing compared to my sisters, I could not imagine the pain she feels, losing her husband of 22 years. I only know what it feels like to have a parent, a healthy active parent, ripped from my life in the blink of an eye. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Dad. He was my hero. I hear his voice in my head all the time and pray that this doesn't go away. I still start to reach for the phone to call him and remember, he's not there anymore and it hurts as much today as it did a year ago, believe me.
The other tragedy in this story is my husband. He, too, will never be the same. He is truly suffering from 'survivor guilt'. He will be fine for months and than out of the blue, he just loses it. We were in the DMV recently and he started to cry, my big, tough cop, just started to cry.....said he let me and my sister down by not taking care of them. I tell him all the time, he did take care of them. Just not in the way that he thinks he should have. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if a stranger had called me that day to tell me they were dead or worse, if a stranger had called my sister. That would have been devastating. Steve staying in SC until the arrangements were made to bring our guys home. Yea, he took care of them, wouldn't you agree?
Anyway, we are going to NY to be with my sister next week for this horrible anniversary and we will be having a Mass/Memorial Service said in their names. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers on May 11th and remember, nothing is more important when you are driving as keeping your eyes on the road at all times.
I hope everyone has a very Happy Mothers Day and remember 'if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!
This year has gone by so fast for my family. My sister continues to get up every morning and be an active participant in the human race but she has aged so much. My baby sister, who used to be so happy-go-lucky is just a shell of her old self. Her children, God bless them, are amazing young people and are doing the best they can do under the circumstances.
My sister and her daughter are coming to FL at the end of June and are going to Disney. This is a huge step in their healing process because Disney was my Brother-in-law Jimmy's favorite place. He even had a tattoo of Mickey on his arm! They had a weeks vacation planned for last August to celebrate my nephew and Brother in laws birthdays but none of them felt they could go. There is not one place they can not go in Disney and not feel his presence. Believe me, I know. He would always say, "When I die, I want to come back as a bird and live in the Magic Kingdom".
The hole in my heart is nothing compared to my sisters, I could not imagine the pain she feels, losing her husband of 22 years. I only know what it feels like to have a parent, a healthy active parent, ripped from my life in the blink of an eye. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Dad. He was my hero. I hear his voice in my head all the time and pray that this doesn't go away. I still start to reach for the phone to call him and remember, he's not there anymore and it hurts as much today as it did a year ago, believe me.
The other tragedy in this story is my husband. He, too, will never be the same. He is truly suffering from 'survivor guilt'. He will be fine for months and than out of the blue, he just loses it. We were in the DMV recently and he started to cry, my big, tough cop, just started to cry.....said he let me and my sister down by not taking care of them. I tell him all the time, he did take care of them. Just not in the way that he thinks he should have. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if a stranger had called me that day to tell me they were dead or worse, if a stranger had called my sister. That would have been devastating. Steve staying in SC until the arrangements were made to bring our guys home. Yea, he took care of them, wouldn't you agree?
Anyway, we are going to NY to be with my sister next week for this horrible anniversary and we will be having a Mass/Memorial Service said in their names. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers on May 11th and remember, nothing is more important when you are driving as keeping your eyes on the road at all times.
I hope everyone has a very Happy Mothers Day and remember 'if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Enough with this maintaining Sh*t!
I have maintained the same weight give or take, since February! I am over it and starting today, I am a women on a mission - totally refocusing on me! It worked for the first 53 lbs and I know it will work for the last 12!
My total unfil in January started me on this path of maintenance, and believe me when I say, I am grateful and happy to know that I can maintain! I am able to eat EVERYTHING, just smaller portions. Bread, pasta, rice, no problem! I have the wedding behind me and my trip to Hawaii too....the one area that I have been very lax in is sweets. I have been eating something sweet almot every day and that ends today! Well, really yesterday as I am starting my "no sweets" as of this a.m. My gym is closed today so I will be back there tomorrow with my trainer at 6 a.m.
My next fill is scheduled for 5/16 and it cant come soon enough. My current fill level is still not even what it was on my first fill a year ago! No wonder I have no restriction! My doc and I decided to take it slow when I went for my first fill after the unfil but I think this is too slow. There has to be a point between what started my downward spiral and where I am today, right? He has given me two fills of .1 cc each time and I think I am going to ask him for .2 cc's when I see him. Just a little more but I think it will help.
I truly am very grateful for the 53 lbs I have lost over the last 13 months but I am even more grateful for the fact that I've been able to keep it off and maintain. Believe me, this has not been my MO in the past and I know its because of my band that I've been able to accomplish this, even if it feels like my band has not been consistently filled to a proper level. I am so confident that this was the right decision for me and I know I will be able to get to my goal weight. I've already gotten to my doctors goal for me and that in and of itself feels great.
Have a Happy Sunday!
My total unfil in January started me on this path of maintenance, and believe me when I say, I am grateful and happy to know that I can maintain! I am able to eat EVERYTHING, just smaller portions. Bread, pasta, rice, no problem! I have the wedding behind me and my trip to Hawaii too....the one area that I have been very lax in is sweets. I have been eating something sweet almot every day and that ends today! Well, really yesterday as I am starting my "no sweets" as of this a.m. My gym is closed today so I will be back there tomorrow with my trainer at 6 a.m.
My next fill is scheduled for 5/16 and it cant come soon enough. My current fill level is still not even what it was on my first fill a year ago! No wonder I have no restriction! My doc and I decided to take it slow when I went for my first fill after the unfil but I think this is too slow. There has to be a point between what started my downward spiral and where I am today, right? He has given me two fills of .1 cc each time and I think I am going to ask him for .2 cc's when I see him. Just a little more but I think it will help.
I truly am very grateful for the 53 lbs I have lost over the last 13 months but I am even more grateful for the fact that I've been able to keep it off and maintain. Believe me, this has not been my MO in the past and I know its because of my band that I've been able to accomplish this, even if it feels like my band has not been consistently filled to a proper level. I am so confident that this was the right decision for me and I know I will be able to get to my goal weight. I've already gotten to my doctors goal for me and that in and of itself feels great.
Have a Happy Sunday!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Aloha! and picture post!
The highlights of our trip was going to Pearl Harbor - very emotional, snorkeling at Molokini Crater, going to the top of Haleakala Crater at 3 a.m. and waiting for the sunrise and then mountain biking down! in Maui, ziplining in Hilo, and the helicopter tour we took in Kauai. So many great memories. We also met a couple on the second day of the cruise that we really bonded with and spent a lot of time with them in the evening.
I have to say, that doing all these activities while being 50+ lbs lighter made all the difference. I wasn't worrying about what I looked like in a bathing suite or zipping over valleys while ziplining, etc. I was just living and having fun! NSV anyone? I didn't even freak out the two times during the trip that I had to get on a scale fully dressed with sneakers on! Once at the ziplining office and than again when we did the helicopter tour! I weighed myself the day we got home and I was up 2 lbs but it was gone the next day. All in all, I am back to where I was before the trip and I can now get back to my routine which I missed believe it or not! Tomorrow will be my first day back to the gym and I can honestly say, I missed it! Who knew?
Anyway, here are some pictures from our trip:
Matsumoto's Shave Ice
Balcony of the Hilton Hawaiian Village
My toast to Stephanie at Roys Asian Fusian
Sunset Waikiki Beach
Pearl Harbor
Sunset Booze Cruise (sunset was on vacation!)
Molokini Crater Snorkeling Trip
3 a.m. Haleakala Sunrise! (FREEZING at 10,023 ft above sea level)
Steve made me do the bike tour down Haleakala to pay me back for getting him up so early!
What would a cruise be without towel animals?
Ziplining in Hilo
Kona
Waimea Canyon - Grand Canyon of the Pacific!
More towel animals
Waiting for helicopter
Last night of cruise
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