Tough day yesterday

Yesterday would have been my fathers 81st birthday and Steve and I drove 220 miles to spend the day with Peggy, my Dads companion.  My fathers friend Len and his wife came for lunch and it was like reliving the events of May 11, 2010 all over again.  This was the first time that we saw them since the accident that killed my father and brother-in-law as they live in Seattle, WA.  I saw that Steve was doing a lot of pacing while we were all sitting on the Lanai having coffee.  He is still dealing with "survivor guilt" and its really been coming out lately.

A week ago, Steve actually broke down and cried, out of the blue, while we were in the Dept. of Motor Vehicle office transferring my dads car to my sister and I.  It was the first time in so long that this happened and it really took me by surprise.  I wish I knew what I could do to take his pain away.  All he says is "he let me and my sister down" by not protecting them and he can't forgive himself.  My sister and I, along with everyone else, knows there was nothing Steve could have done to make the outcome of that day any different and we are forever grateful that Steve was with them.  If what happened had happened and it was a stranger that called me to tell me they were dead, it would have been so much worse.  Steve was with them for a reason, he did take care of them, he just doesn't see it that way.

We are having a memorial service on the 1-year anniversary and I know this will be yet another hard time for my husband to deal with.  He will be there with me and my sister, holding us both and I pray that we are able to give him some comfort too.  He is such a strong man and to see him in this pain is too much for me.  

On the band front, I am waiting for my fill to kick in.  I know the band has more fluid in it but it just doesn't feel like its "enough".  However,  after what I went through the other day, I am not calling to ask for another fill.  I will wait it out and continue to do what I am doing....going slow with my eating and exercising my brains out!  I am so happy that I went back to spin class this week.  It truly is the best cardio exercise for me.  The amount of calories burned in an hour is almost double what I burn in every other cardio class.  I get so much more out of it.

That being said, I didn't go to spin today but I will be going tomorrow morning for an hour with Herman, the new Spin Instructor.  Oh.Sweet.Baby.Jesus.  I was so afraid of going to his class because I heard how tough he is....well, he subbed the other day for another instructor and I didn't have a choice!  It was the best class!  I was so happy that it worked out that way and I am really looking forward to the Sunday morning class!  I'll let you know how that works out!