4:00 a.m. thoughts.....

Ugh!!! This is not a good way to start the day. I woke up a little while ago with 18,000 things going through my mind. Why does that happen?

Two weeks from today I will be banded! Yay! That thought is immediately replaced with "will this work this time?" It has to. I am so tired of letting myself down.

I was talking to my friend yesterday. We have both been on WW forever and she was questioning why I thought this was the answer. It really made me think. While I know that being over weight is not healthy, I have never had any health related issues. I have always said that if a Dr. told me that I had to lose weight because of a health complication such as Diabetes, that I would be able to lose the weight. Well, this past physical showed that my blood sugar had increased. Surely not in the realm of Diabetes but it is creeping up there! This was the determining factor for me. With Diabetes in my family, I did not want to become another victim. I want to take back control of my life and it all starts with getting my weight under control.

Why do I think the band will help me accomplish this? I look at it this way. With the band, there will be an immediate reaction if I eat in a way that is harmful to my body. While I do not look forward to getting stuck and ultimately PB'ing, I also know that I will eventually have this happen. I am trying to visualize my band as an internal taser. If I eat too much, I will be zapped! If I eat too fast, I will be zapped. If I eat the wrong thing, I will be zapped!

I know this is not the easy way out. However, I'm hoping it will ultimately be the way for me to finally break free of this downward spiral with my weight.

My husband, who has always been my biggest cheerleader in everyting I do, is right there with me. We will be talking about going to Mexico and all that will folllow and he'll say "I can feel that this is what you've been waiting for...you'll be the poster child for lap-band surgery!" This makes me feel so good but it also scares me to death! I have to tell him that this is not a miracle device, I have to work it in order for it to work for me. I suppose in a way, by saying that to him, it only reinforces for me that its not a miracle device. At the end of the day, I am still the only one holding the fork or spoon. My band will assist me in getting healthy but its still me who will steer the ship!

Award Time!

A whole bouquet of flowers to you! Thanks to Bonnie and Sandy Lee for my Sunshine Award. I am passing along this award to very deserving and fantabulous bloggers—Oldies, Newbies and Wannabies! So take your award and post it! The Sunshine Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blogging world. Honestly, I think every blogger deserves one for putting it all out there in their blogs. Thank you everyone...you are my hero's!

Once you receive one, then you:

1. Post the logo on your blog.
2. Pass the award on to 12 fellow bloggers.
3. Link the nominees
4. Let nominees know they have won this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to the person you received this award from.

These are the blogs that are getting me through this journey (also see links above):

Catherine - http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/
Andrew - http://harveylah.blogspot.com/
Kathi - http://kayvee-dontlookback.blogspot.com/
Stardustic - http://stardusticsjourney.blogspot.com/
Jennifer - http://lifeasiknowitsc.blogspot.com
Tessierose - http://tessierose-bandmebaby.blogspot.com/
Angie - http://angieinrepair.blogspot.com/
Janelle - http://janellody.blogspot.com/
Girl Bandit - http://myspats.blogspot.com/
Bonnie - http://wishingandhopingandprayingforaband.blogspot.com/
Sherry - http://twosticksoralighter.blogspot.com/
Vickie - http://thequeenbeeslapbandlife.blogspot.com/
Band Groupie - http://bandgroupiethesweetspot.blogspot.com/

Followers = Angels

I have decided that all of the followers out there are really Angels here on earth! Each and every one of you who leave messages on my blog are with me all the time. Its so hard when I am talking to a "real life" friend and I find myself relating a comment that one of you have shared and it sounds so funny..."so and so said" this or that. Oh, who is "so and so"? Oh, a blogger friend of course! Some of my "real life" friends get it and others don't have a clue! It really is hard to explain to others the community of women and Andrew (hi Andrew!) that I have found here.

Maybe someday the Lap-Band will be as common as those who attend Weight Watchers although I somehow doubt it. Until then, I thank God for all of you and thank you for taking the extra few minutes it takes to read my blog and leave a comment. Comments are like crack...you just gotta have more of them!

I hope everyone is enjoying a beautiful Saturday!

Ciao' for now!

Bike Week in Daytona!

WooHoo!!! Not! Ok, so here is the story...my husband Steve, loves his toys (thats my 80 year old father with the helmet on). He has a motorcycle and some fancy schmancy car I never heard of. He retired after 30 years as a cop and saved his money so he deserves to have and love his toys. Don't I sound like a very good wife?



Well, the problem with the toys is that he wants me to share in his love for them. Doesn't that make him sound like a very good husband? Well he is. No doubt whatsoever! The problem is me. Its all about me and my fatness! Everything I do is influenced by my fatness. I love the motorcycle but hate riding on it because I feel like a whale, I love the little car but hate riding in it because I feel like a sardine squeezing into the tiny seat!

I am so thankful that my husband hates the cold but only in this instance. It has been in the 50's to low 60's this week and for the first time in the two years that we have lived in Florida, he will not go to any of the bike week attractions on this bike! This means, that I don't have to get on the bike with him and I don't have to confront my fatness feelings! In fact, we are going to an event today but we are taking the car! Yay!

I am so sick and tired of having to worry about everything I do in relation to my being over-weight! Even the thought of moving to Florida, once I could get past the thought of leaving my girls in NY (with the rest of our families), my next thought was Florida? Its hot there. What kind of clothes can I wear to cover my body? This is so crazy that I worry about this all the time!

I just want to lose the weight and live a normal life. For me, normal is defined as making day to day decisions and not having to factor in what I weigh. I am married to a man who loves me, no matter what I weigh and he wants to share everything with me. I know how lucky I am to have him and have him want to share everything with me. I just want to lose this weight once and for all and experience how it is to not have to worry every day about my weight.

When I first started reading everyone's blogs I was so impressed with Amy W.'s self-body image. She never cared about wearing a bathing suit or what others thought. I find that so refreshing and I'm so happy that she was able to live life without all the BS that I lived with, self-imposed mind you! Nobodys fault but my own. I didn't even wear a bathing suit until I was 38! To this day I will not wear shorts. Thank God for capri's!

So, hopefully, with the help of the band, I will finally be able to get out of the cycle of losing and gaining and learn to live life with my definition of normal. With the help of me, band, friends, family and of course my blogging family, this will be the last Bike Week that I feel fat!

One last thing....how do you post pictures side by side?

Ciao' for now!

Somebody is definitely watching over me!

When I made my mind up to have WLS in late January I started frantically looking for a date on the calendar that would make sense. I was having a lot of family and friends visit in February so I knew that February would not be the month.

Today, March 4 was the day I chose! As you can see, it didn't happen. I ultimately chose March 24 for a couple of reasons, mainly that I would have felt too rushed to say goodbye to my friends and rush off to Mexico. I thought the following week would be better and than was told the doctor would be away at a seminar for a week! Pooh! Ok, the 24th was a go!

So, this may be TMI, but I woke up with TOM today and my first thought was "Thank God today is not my surgery day"! I also have a few real estate transactions that are taking up a lot of my time and leaving them to someone else would have been a pain in the you know what, not to mention, I'd have to share my commission!

I am a believer in the saying that "things happen for a reason". I was not meant to have surgery today. March 24 is a much better date for me. I have time now to focus on me without that rushed feeling. I got to enjoy my friends and family during the past few weeks without the surgery looming thing hanging over my head!

I just read Angies blog and she is celebrating her 1 year bandiversary. I am so excited for her and others who have celebrated this incredible milestone. For Angie and most of us, we have been proffessional dieters but never managed to be able to stick with it or maintain. In fact, for me, I always would lose the weight, and gain back more! This time will be different. I know this is what I have needed to accomplish this one thing that has always eluded me....weight loss and maintaining the loss! To have to wait 20 more days is nothing compared to what is waiting on the other side!

Have a great day!

20 More Days Until Mexico!!!

I can't believe that in 20 days we will be heading to Mexico for my banding surgery on March, 24. It is really starting to feel surreal!

My friend is here from NY with her husband and we've been talking a lot about what I am going to be going through with all the changes in my eating and they cannot be more supportive!

My DH, well, he is always the most supportive....not a day goes by that he doesn't says something positive. My whole life has changed for the better since the day that I met him. You can't see it because you are reading this but I can't help but smile when I talk about him to others. What a great feeling!

Getting back to my friend Mo, I will be staying with her about 3 weeks post-op when I go to NY to go wedding gown shopping with my daughters. I have not seen the girls since Christmas, this is the longest I've gone without seeing them! I am so excited and once March 24 comes and goes, I will be focused on April 9th!

Can any of you give me suggestions on what kind of clothes to pack for my surgery? I am going to be on a 2 part 7 hour flight coming home so I know I want to be comfortable. I'm wearing flip-flops so I don't have to worry about bending over and tying laces. Any suggestions are appreciated.

We are going to visit St. Augustine today. It is a gorgeous little city. I am looking forward to walking around and going into all the quaint shops. We will probably have lunch there before coming back to my house. Crap! As I just said that, there was a big crack of thunder outside. I guess I should check the weather before I make further plans, huh?

Ciao' for now!

ANDREW!!! COME HERE PLEASE!!!!

I didn't know how else to contact you. I have been reading your blog and have tried to comment on several occasions and it won't let me. Do you have a special setting or something? anyway, just wanted you to know so that maybe you could let me in or whatever.

You're doing a great job!!!