WooHoo!!! Not! Ok, so here is the story...my husband Steve, loves his toys (thats my 80 year old father with the helmet on). He has a motorcycle and some fancy schmancy car I never heard of. He retired after 30 years as a cop and saved his money so he deserves to have and love his toys. Don't I sound like a very good wife?
Well, the problem with the toys is that he wants me to share in his love for them. Doesn't that make him sound like a very good husband? Well he is. No doubt whatsoever! The problem is me. Its all about me and my fatness! Everything I do is influenced by my fatness. I love the motorcycle but hate riding on it because I feel like a whale, I love the little car but hate riding in it because I feel like a sardine squeezing into the tiny seat!
I am so thankful that my husband hates the cold but only in this instance. It has been in the 50's to low 60's this week and for the first time in the two years that we have lived in Florida, he will not go to any of the bike week attractions on this bike! This means, that I don't have to get on the bike with him and I don't have to confront my fatness feelings! In fact, we are going to an event today but we are taking the car! Yay!
I am so sick and tired of having to worry about everything I do in relation to my being over-weight! Even the thought of moving to Florida, once I could get past the thought of leaving my girls in NY (with the rest of our families), my next thought was Florida? Its hot there. What kind of clothes can I wear to cover my body? This is so crazy that I worry about this all the time!
I just want to lose the weight and live a normal life. For me, normal is defined as making day to day decisions and not having to factor in what I weigh. I am married to a man who loves me, no matter what I weigh and he wants to share everything with me. I know how lucky I am to have him and have him want to share everything with me. I just want to lose this weight once and for all and experience how it is to not have to worry every day about my weight.
When I first started reading everyone's blogs I was so impressed with Amy W.'s self-body image. She never cared about wearing a bathing suit or what others thought. I find that so refreshing and I'm so happy that she was able to live life without all the BS that I lived with, self-imposed mind you! Nobodys fault but my own. I didn't even wear a bathing suit until I was 38! To this day I will not wear shorts. Thank God for capri's!
So, hopefully, with the help of the band, I will finally be able to get out of the cycle of losing and gaining and learn to live life with my definition of normal. With the help of me, band, friends, family and of course my blogging family, this will be the last Bike Week that I feel fat!
One last thing....how do you post pictures side by side?
Ciao' for now!
9 comments:
I totally know what you mean. I have a trip to take in May and I keep thinking about what happens if I'm not banded before then. Little things to-even today I went to lunch at a restaurant and felt like everyone was staring at me. Can't wait to have NSV's like bathing suits and shorts!
PS-I miss winter in NY because of the sweaters and the boots!
Oh me to Jenny, and the sweat shirts!
You must put a reminder in your calendar to read this post next March 2011 and see how much you will have changed from this year. You'll get there with the band.
To post two pics I usually add them and then make them small. I put one left and the other either centered or right and they go side by side. Not sure it that is the way, but it works for me.
Not long yet.
I can just see you this time next year - daisy duke shorts and a boob tube waving to everyone from the back your your hubby's bike - lol!!!
In all seriousness - I really understand where you are coming from and I too look forward to just enjoying life without worrying how my weight will affect everyday :-)
My husband has a bike too. I've never been on the back and I don't think I will for a long time. Partly due to weight and partly because I'm a little afraid. I totally understand what you are saying though about weight holding you back. I'm the same way. I think that's probably the biggest thing I wish to get out of all this. My self confidence. I really miss it.
I know exactly what you mean about being overweight and it impeding on your joy of every day life. I was once like that too.
Once you have this band in and start to lose that weight, there will be no stopping you. I have changed SO much in 9+ months I sometimes astound myself. I just know you will be like that too. xxx
Good post. I'm not so diluted that I think my life will be problem-free if I get to a normal weight but man-o-man, will things be better!
How true, Jess, how true. But won't it be nice to get that one out of the way? Amen to that!
alrighty you girls---stop that not doing stuff because of your weight right now! It is the act of sitting out on the action that helped to make the fat in the first place...raise your right hand and repeat after me--
On this path I will live as if I am normal (or thin if you prefer). I will ride in sardine seats.. I will get on the backs of bikes..I will walk, climb stairs (thats my part)..I will wear shorts..I will swim...If you start living as a fit and healthy person you will soon be one.
That became my path at some point along this journey and believe me...it works. Don't wait for the band to do it for you. Start doing it for yourself now and let the band help as it comes on board.
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