Ugh!!! This is not a good way to start the day. I woke up a little while ago with 18,000 things going through my mind. Why does that happen?
Two weeks from today I will be banded! Yay! That thought is immediately replaced with "will this work this time?" It has to. I am so tired of letting myself down.
I was talking to my friend yesterday. We have both been on WW forever and she was questioning why I thought this was the answer. It really made me think. While I know that being over weight is not healthy, I have never had any health related issues. I have always said that if a Dr. told me that I had to lose weight because of a health complication such as Diabetes, that I would be able to lose the weight. Well, this past physical showed that my blood sugar had increased. Surely not in the realm of Diabetes but it is creeping up there! This was the determining factor for me. With Diabetes in my family, I did not want to become another victim. I want to take back control of my life and it all starts with getting my weight under control.
Why do I think the band will help me accomplish this? I look at it this way. With the band, there will be an immediate reaction if I eat in a way that is harmful to my body. While I do not look forward to getting stuck and ultimately PB'ing, I also know that I will eventually have this happen. I am trying to visualize my band as an internal taser. If I eat too much, I will be zapped! If I eat too fast, I will be zapped. If I eat the wrong thing, I will be zapped!
I know this is not the easy way out. However, I'm hoping it will ultimately be the way for me to finally break free of this downward spiral with my weight.
My husband, who has always been my biggest cheerleader in everyting I do, is right there with me. We will be talking about going to Mexico and all that will folllow and he'll say "I can feel that this is what you've been waiting for...you'll be the poster child for lap-band surgery!" This makes me feel so good but it also scares me to death! I have to tell him that this is not a miracle device, I have to work it in order for it to work for me. I suppose in a way, by saying that to him, it only reinforces for me that its not a miracle device. At the end of the day, I am still the only one holding the fork or spoon. My band will assist me in getting healthy but its still me who will steer the ship!
11 comments:
Goodness me - you could be singing my song!!!
Even as I was rolled into surgery my internal voice was screaming "what the hell are you doing?!".
I was so scared this would be yet another 'wacky' attempt at a weight loss solution.
I haven't told most people and part of that reason is that I'm scared they will see it that way too - or worse yet that I am in some way less of a person for needing this.
However - so far my fears have been unfounded. I think I have walked away from surgery with a small amount of restriction in that while I've been in bandster hell I still can't eat near what I would have previously.
The really strange thing though is that I don't feel deprived anymore. It's like the band has given me back my self control. I love my band. I am so glad I was brave enough to go through with it.
No - it's not a magical cure or an easy way out - but it's the most amazing tool.
Hang in there - your doubts and fears are so normal.
You will do great :-)
Everything you are saying is right, this band is a great tool to help you make the right decisions. You have to work the band it just makes it easier for you to make the right choices. You are gonna do great, only 2 weeks to go!!!
HI! Just wanted to say thanks for the comment and let you know I'm now following...
Will be back to read more later. :)
I feel the same way. I'm so anxious to get the band, but that little voice in my head just won't shut up! It keeps saying, "how will this tool be different from all the rest?" I just hope and pray that it is. I wish I knew for sure, but we just have to trust the process. Good luck, I can't wait to see what unfolds for us all!
Your doubts are the same as all of us. I was banded for health reasons. Just at my doc this morning for more requisitions to have blood work as almost every test came back bad (glucose, liver enzymes...) in January. That was pre-band. I will wait another month and see if there will be improvements. I think we have all tried so many things in the past that we are scared of another failure. I wish I could have had this done years ago before the medical issues started but I'm on my way now and so will you. Take heart in all our support because it will help you get through most things with this band. Good luck on your 2 week countdown.
You all are the best! Its so nice to know we all have the same fears! Makes me feel like I'm not THAT crazy!
Great post Jacquie! I had the same thoughts before being banded and you are right - you have to work the band as hard as it works you.
I love the imagery of a tazer. I'd never thought of it that way but it's true! Your husband sounds so supportive, that is wonderful. And I think he's right - you are going to be the poster child for lap-band surgery.
2 weeks is going to fly by!
I think we all feel this way. I know I do. I love that you called it an internal taser! Its hard for me to know what will be different this time, I can't put my finger on it. But it does FEEL different. So glad I found your blog!
I too was thinking that as well... I was laying there on the table thinking really do I need this. And for me yes it was... I am so happy I did it.. I am only 3 months out but feel great... Hope your decision gets easier for you...
13 Days until banding? WOW! I didn't realise it was so close but now I know - well, girl, I'm on the countdown with you. Very exciting!!!
I just wanted to let you know I am following you now. I will be very curious to hear how the Mexico experience goes.
For what it's worth, I think you will do great with this. This community won't have it any other way and it sounds like you have a great support system at home. On top of that, you sound committed and educated and I think that is going to make all the difference. You've asked wise questions and are going into this eyes wide open.
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