Please come to my pity party!

I am getting "that feeling". You know the one I'm talking about? Is this band working for me or is this just another weight loss effort for the books? I seem to get on a roll and than it stops! My weight for the Meltdown Challenge was the same as it was two weeks ago! Granted, I gained last week and lost the same 1 lb this week so maybe I should look at the glass being half full?

I started working with the trainer this week so maybe that is a part of the problem of not really seeing a bigger loss. I also went out last night and had pizza, popcorn and a chocolate bar which has not been my normal night time eating pattern. I've been tracking my calories and while I had the calories for these foods, and with the exception of the one slice of pizza, they were not healthy at all! I know what I have to do and that is to look forward and not even think about how I used to deal with these setbacks and that is to just throw in the towel and say "fuck it!". Nope, that is not an option!

I have a lot going on this week and while I will be able to get in my 4 cardio sessions, I will only be able to work with the trainer on 2 days. Her schedule and mine were not meshing this week. Hopefully I will be able to do at least some of the things she had me working on last week. I'll ask her what I should be doing without her and then we will get back to our 3 sessions the week after.

I am sure the fact that I started out with a lower BMI than a lot of others is also a factor in my slow weight loss. I have lost 21 lbs in 13 weeks which is roughly 1.6lbs. per week. I know that my doc says a 1 - 2 lb loss per week should be the expectation and I am falling right in the middle and that should make me feel better, but....you know how it is. I want it NOW, damn it! I also have a fill on Thursday so maybe that will help ramp it up a notch in the weight-loss department.

Sorry about my rant, I just needed to get this out.

On a better note...I am so excited about my daughter Mallory and her fiance coming next Saturday for 5 days! My niece will be with them but Elayna will be staying another 5 days after Mallory leaves.

I want to make this a very special trip for Elayna as it is the first time she is travelling without her parents (she is only 14) and this will be her first trip since her dad, my brother-in-law, died. My husband Steve is tripping over himself coming up with ideas to keep us all busy. He is getting tickets for us to see a local play company perform "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". Should be interesting!

I'm hoping for a few beach and shopping days as we all know that any 14year old girl loves the beach AND especially shopping. We are also planning a great 4th of July at the ocean where there will be a fireworks display and we'll have a nice dinner on the beach. Other things we have planned is a 3 hour boat tour, a trip to the Alligator Farm (although I seem to be the only one excited about this!), going to the new movie theater that just opened (we saw Knight and Day with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz last night) and than doing whatever else she wants to do!

My girls are 23 and 19 so I shouldn't get too wiped out by being with a 14 y/o...famous last words, huh? Actually, my husband is the one who needs to be worried! No matter what, we will have fun and be making memories, that is what life is all about!

BYOC ala Drazil

1. This comes from my post yesterday about me bragging that I can still wear the same earrings I wore in high school….got me to wondering…how many piercings do you have? (the ones you can tell us about anyway – *wink wink)

I have 4...3 in one ear and 1 in the other ear. However, I only wear one in each ear. I would like to get my cartiledge pierced on the upper ear but I think I am too old for that! Same for my belly button...I love the look and I would love to get mine pierced when I hit goal but I probably won't do that either.

2. I’m asking this one because I’m getting another tattoo soon…and even have plans to get one of a lizard – my little Draz – because this blog and you all have become a major part of my life. Anywhoozle – how many tattoos do you have? If you have none and wanted to get one – what would it be?

Believe me, I NEVER had any desire to get a tattoo but after the accident that took my Dad and brother-in-law, I was compelled to get one that memorialized and honored them. This is on my lower back:



It hurt like a mutha so when my mother told me to save some skin for her tattoo when she dies I lovingly told her..."uh, I will be sending a card for now on! No more tattoos for this Chica...they hurt too much!" My daughters were so proud of me and said now I can't say anything about them getting tats! Wrongo, they don't know the old saying, "do as I say, not as I do", now do they?

3. If you’ve ever suffered from a weight-loss plateau, what’s your best advice to get past it?

Mix it up a little. Do this by either exercising more, eating more protein or eating less if thats the problem. Whatever you do, don't give up, that does not help plateaus, it must makes you gain weight!

4. This is a repeat. I liked last week’s challenge for BYOC and I saw a lot of people this week follow through on the promise they made last week. You pick one thing for just one day next week that you want to do….and mentally doing it for the one day can totally jump start more successes. And I feel like I can do anything for just one day.

I am going to keep going to the gym and working with Stacy, Jillian Michaels Evil Twin Sister! I will NEVER be the girl who loves exercise and skips into the gym but I do know that I feel great when I leave the gym even if I still can't skip to the car!

5. Repeat *make someone a Superstar* question – what's your favorite blog or comment of the week?

Although I didn't comment, Draz's post on Meds struck a very personal cord with me. I was one of those people who used to think people were weak (ex-husband in particular) who needed anti-depressants, until my own girls were in trouble and thanks to the help they received via medication and therepy, they are healthy young women today.

Yay! Exercise!

I am up .8 lbs today from yesterday and I am sure it is thanks to my session with Stacy! My muscles are SCREAMIN'! It may be TMI but even when I go to the bathroom, when I go to stand up, my legs just don't wanna get me there!

Steve and I had a few rough days (I was very mad at him) over the water temperature of our pool, it was 92 degrees. Its a long story but the outcome was/is I love that man and regardless of what the pool temp is, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. That being said, he has since lowered the thermostat!

Anyway, we were able to salvage our date night last night and had a very nice dinner at an Italian restaurant near our home. We split an order of Veal Mezzaluna, oh sweet Jesus was that delish and a Ceasar salad! The veal was on a bed of spinach and had a slice of eggplant on top, with mozzerella cheese and was in a Marsala sauce. There gave us 2 pieces of veal which were probably 5 oz. each. Steve ate all of his and a piece of mine! My husband loves how much smaller our restaurant bills are since I got my band! In the past, we each would have ordered our own meal and would have eaten every last bite! He is thin but is like a dog when he eats...if it is in front of him, he will eat it whether he is hungry or not!

I ate a small end piece of the homemade garlic bread, some salad and 3/4 of the veal. I was comfortable, not full. What a great feeling that is! I figured out, to the best of my ability, the amount of calories I had yesterday and it came in under 1200. I also worked out and burned 500+ calories at the gym so all in all, it was a great day. Until I got on the scale and saw it was up .8 but I just have to go with it and know that when you weigh every day, their are fluctuations. I also think the soreness in my muscles is an indication that I am retaining water. Moving forward!

How can it be Wednesday?

Where the heck is the time going? Honestly, Wednesday? I don't know how I got things done when I had a 9 - 5 job...everyting had to be done on the weekends and somehow, it all got done. Being in Real Estate, I have no "set" hours but I am working a good part of most days, even weekends. Some weeks, I even make money! Trust me folks, I do miss my weekly paycheck BUT that would come with a vacation/time off allotment that I just cannot deal with. My babies are in New York and when mama needs to see them, I do not want to have to ask for time off. So, there you have it!

Anyway, I met with my trainer Stacy yesterday, she is such a sweet girl...NOT! Well, she was yesterday during our "get to know you" session. Actually, I already know her as I have attended her Butts, guts and glutes class many times so I really kind of knew that she is a killer! That's what I need. Today was my first 1/2 hour session with her and lets just say that I am glad that I got my 45 minutes on the Elliptical in before I saw her because there was no way that was going to happen when she was done with me. I am sure I will be thinking of her every minute of the day tomorrow when I try to move my sore muscles. Back again on Friday morning for more torture.

Yesterday I had lunch with Gail and she is absolutely adorable! You'll have to take my word for this as we both forgot to take a pic for our Blogs! Gail has lost 100+ lbs. in 10 months and is just rocking her band! What an amazing accomplishment for her and inspiration for me! She is so looking forward to coming to Chicago! I will hopefully see her before than as i have a few pairs of Capris that she will be wearing very soon that I forgot to bring with me yesterday! Age, that is all I am saying!

Monday, Monday

'Our Father, who art in Heaven,...I have been a very good girl and I would like to lose weight this week...Amen'

Lets see if this works!

I am going to the gym this afternoon and meeting with the trainer tomorrow. I am planning on at least 4 sessions at the gym this week maybe even 5. Hopefully, if the stall on the scale this past week was due to my increased exercise, my bod will start letting go some of my FAT this week! A girl can hope right?

I have a doctors appt next Thurs. 7/1 for a fill. It will be my third one and hopefully the one that gets me in the "zone". It will also only be 3 weeks since my last fill so I hope I am not rushing things along by going so soon. He wanted to see me in 4 weeks but I couldn't make it than and it would have been 6 weeks before I could get there again. He has been very aggressive with my first 2 fills so I'm thinking this next one will be a smallish one. We'll see.

I had a few "moments" on Fathers Day but came to the realization that God spared my husband Steve for a reason and I really need to move forward in my healing process. A major issue for me is that my husband has motorcycling in his blood as did my father and BIL. I have always enjoyed riding with him. Not so much the "riding" aspect of it but more of the closeness of having my arms around him and spending time with him. The only other person I rode on a motorcycle with in my life was my Dad. I felt safe with him as I do with Steve. The problem is, I don't feel safe anymore and I suffer from anxiety now when he goes out on his bike.

I am going to make it my mission to find a therapist who can help me work through these issues. The motorcycle was always a source of pleasure for me and now all it represents is pain. Because it means so much to my husband, I have to deal with this before it becomes a problem for my marriage. My initial thought is "I no longer feel safe on the motorcycle so you should feel the same way and respect my wishes and just sell the damn thing". For some reason, he doesn't feel the same way and I have to make sure that this doesn't become a major issue between us.

Quick Check In

I have logged in 4 45 minute exercise sessions this week and how does the scale thank me? By gaining 1.4 lbs!!! I know I was eating at or under my 1200 calorie daily allowance, I know I drank at least 8 mostly more glasses of water, my (.) came and WENT during the week so by all rights, I should have shown a drop! I did all cardio and no weights at the gym. Can you build muscle with cardio? Hmmm, I don't really know. In any event, this is another week and I am meeting with a personal trainer on Tuesday. Hopefully, the scale will be my friend next Sunday, yes?

Today is Fathers Day and as you all know it is the first for me without my Dad. I will be volunteering at our towns Seafood Festival so hopefully, I will be keeping busy. I miss my father so much it hurts. We had such a great relationship and having him gone so suddenly is very hard to deal with. I am at the point where I am seriously considering therapy as I am not dealing with this very well.

To those of you with Dads, have a great day honoring and loving him and to the rest, honor his memory and the great times you shared with him.

Happy Hump Day!

We had a very "good" trip to SC as we continue on our journey of healing. We met some really great people whose lives were forever touched by my Dad and Jimmy and they were able to answer some of our unanswered questions. Sure, my sister and I did some crying but I noticed for the first time that we laughed more than we cried. Its going to take a long time but I know that together, we can get through this. My Dad didn't raise two very strong women for nothing!

On the band front....I am headed to the gym in a little bit. I am aiming for 4 times this week. I am steering clear of step aerobics as I do not want to push my ankle too much. I am getting the itch to sign on with a personal trainer...thank you Miss Stephanie! Steve is gonna love you when I tell him! I actually like the idea of 1/2hour sessions though. In the past, when I did personal training I did it for an hour. Each session contained cardio and I absolutely can do that on my own. I really need the focus of the weights with a trainer.

My restriction seems to be holding up although I did notice my weight is up 1 lb today from Sunday. I didn't eat very healthy these past two days but I didn't eat very much either. I will admit, I ate a very small Moon Pie that I got at Cracker Barrel. Delish! It went right down without a problem. At dinner on Monday we had a free coupon for a Peach Cobbler at Sticky Fingers that we couldn't pass up so I also had a few spoonfulls of that! Hmmm...I better head out to the gym now!