Premonitions?

I have had a very wishy-washy kind of day today. First off, I woke up sick. Sore throat, head stuffy and just feeling crappy. Off to the gym I went for my session with my trainer but I didn't stay for my one hour cardio class afterwards. She actually made me leave saying it would not do me any good to push myself when I didn't feel good. So, home I went!

I was just kind of doing nothing when Steve brought in the mail and said there was something from the attorney handling my dads estate. I opened it and out fell one piece of paper naming me his administrator. I don't know why but it hit me so hard! I immediately started crying and really haven't stopped since. One piece of paper. That's it.

Steve was so mad that the attorney didn't even bother to put a cover letter or anything. Unfortunately, its not the attorneys fault, it was the secretary who sent it. Anyway, it just got me to thinking AGAIN, about how different things would be today if everyone just listened to me. For the life of me, I still cannot understand why I had such a bad feeling about that motorcycle trip. I was relentless in trying to talk my father and brother-in-law out of going.

Steve didn't want to go but not at all for the reasons that I didn't want them all to go. He didn't want to go because he just thought it would be to cold to be riding so far on the bikes in May. The only reason he went was to keep my dad company on the ride north to South Carolina. I didn't want them to go because I just had a bad feeling. I begged my sister to talk to her husband about not going. At one point, it actually looked like my brother-in-law was going to cancel because some of the guys he was riding down from New York with were backing out. I was ecstatic! Than, he says "I have to go or I'll lose my $100 deposit on the room!" OMG...I even offered to pay him the $100.

I feel very guilty about my last conversation with my BIL. I was very upset with him about going forward with the trip and when he called on Saturday to talk to Steve about the trip, I was very short with him. He was so excited about leaving the next morning and I just didn't want to talk to him about it so I cut him off and gave the phone to Steve. I wish I had a premonition than that it was going to be my last conversation with Jimmy because you can bet, I would not have done that. I have to live with that the rest of my life.

When I start doing the "what if" scenarios my daughter and husband always point out that I will make myself crazy if I live the rest of my life asking these questions. I know that it doesn't matter "what if", all that matters is "what is".

Anyway, the reason I am really bringing this up today is that Tessie's post on Hurricane Rita brought back some memories for me. Long Island was hit with Hurricane Bob in 1991 and that was the only other time in my life that I had a premonition. Believe me, that premonition wasn't nearly as bad as the one I had about the motorcycle trip but it was still a premonition that came true. I was sitting on my front porch watching the storm and we had this huge oak tree on the front lawn. Out of the blue I said to my ex-husband, "can you imagine if that tree fell?" There was absolutely no reason for my comment. It wasn't swaying or anything. He said that wouldn't happen. Oh really? Not five minutes later, that sucker fell....ripped out the power lines and missed my porch by a few feet!

I asked Steve if in the future I ever felt strongly about something, would he trust my instincts? He said yes. I was actually a little surprised by this but I felt comforted by it. I pray that I will never again have a premonition such as those I've had but its nice to know that my husband doesn't think I am a kook!